so, one idea I had was to create a Metrognome

As promised, here is this week’s bonus post (hooray!), to take your mind off of the worst email/letter a woman has gotten from me on what I failed to realize was Valentine’s Day (I seriously just noticed this fact while scrolling through the file of all my entries this very moment)!!  An even better reason for her to have not responded.  I might as well have sent an email saying “Hey there, what has two thumbs and is single on Valentine’s Day and sitting on one of said thumbs because he’s super lonely?  This guy (I can send you a photo of me pointing at myself with my thumbs if you haven’t slit your own throat after reading this if you like)!”  Sometimes I wish I was as good at business stuff or following through on goals and dreams as I am at making fun of myself.  If self-deprecation was an Olympic event, I would probably get disqualified for juicing (on bile).  I should point out, for the record, that I am not self-loathing.  I think I am a spazz and a cartoon character in a human being’s body, but I don’t hate myself.  Most of the time, I think I’m pretty damn awesome.  And judging from the amount of women I have dated who have moved as far away from me as possible, I am way too fucking charming.  I haven’t done a final tally, but I think I have ex-girlfriends in ten states.

This post is a break from routine, as there was a response, albeit brief and never followed up on.  Too bad.  Oh well, c’est la vie… especially my la vie.  Misplaced energy is all I am good at producing.  I mean, I know that I can’t sit around and wait for things to happen, and I have to make my own luck.  So, hey, I’m trying.

And lastly, in the “oh shit, someone already made this” department, my plans to make and sell Metro-gnomes have been thwarted by another!

so, one idea I had was to create a Metrognome
Mar 3, 2010 – 3:56am
Sent to rosebud-tastic
23% Enemy  75% Friend  70% Match


I really didn’t know what to put in the subject line, but thought that this might pique your interest. I’ll let you figure out what a metrognome is (you seem pretty, witty and bright from your profile, so I’m confident you’ll figure me out). Basically, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about words that end in nome so that I can make them end in gnome. Like, if I could draw at all, I would want to make a cartoon called “David the Gastro-Gnome” voiced by Tom Bosley. Basically, David just goes around reviewing restaurants and having adventures.


I don’t want to ramble too much in this missive, but I like the cut of your jib, specifically how you reference “Say Anything” in your profile and that you don’t like Ethan Hawke. And while I don’t drive a bitchin’ camaro, Joe Jack Talcum has slept over my house (we drank Yeungling and talked about Monty Python)…


Well, I guess if any of this interests you, I’d like to hear what kind of whiskeys and steaks you like. Also, a favorite SWC quote. Mine is “All they hear is ‘Who wants cake?’ And let me tell you something. They ALWAYS want cake!” not sure if that’s why I cut back on my cake intake (incake?).


Insomniacally Yours,


Sent from  rosebud-tastic
Mar 3, 2010 – 4:00am

it is very late, and i’m about to go to sleep, but there was actually a column in one of the local weeklies from my hometown called “metrognome”. i never read it, but the title always gave me a little chortle.
good night!


drinking Yuengling and watching Spaced

So yeah, I know it’s after midnight, but I promised to update this every day.  I’m updating it now.  So suck it.  I was really bummed this girl didn’t write me back, because I really, really wanted to do unspeakable things to her.  She said she was working on a film about punk rock and was into a lot of cool shit.  Oh well, she’s not the first hot girl to ignore me.  But seriously, best subject line ever???

(NOTE) I actually sent this young lady TWO messages, because she had the hottest photos by far of any seemingly intelligent woman on this damn site.  I’m guessing that she didn’t need the internet’s help to get laid or land a free meal.  Or, maybe she just wasn’t into that.  Here they are…

(original subject line lost due to poor web design)
Sent to Katie_filmmaker
9% Enemy 92% Friend 88% Match
Mar. 30, 2008 – 11:58pm

Hi, how are you?

I’m really intrigued to hear about the film you’re working on, especially considering the books and movies you listed in your favorites. There aren’t very many people I’ve met who list “Psychotic Reactions & Carburetor Dung” amongst their favorite books. Have you read “Mainlines, Blood Feasts & Bad Taste” yet? I think I need to re-read both books because it’s been so long since I’ve read them. I’m currently reading “The Peculiar Memories Of Thomas Penman” by Bruce Robinson. I am really liking it. I had started reading it years ago, but for some reason, never finished. I’ve started reading “Ulysses” twice in the last two years and will no doubt try again soon.

And I’m really psyched that you listed Art Brut amongst your fave bands. They are so incredibly good! I saw them play with the Hold Steady and it was such a great show because both bands are just happy to play music for people. You can tell they love what they do.

Wow, I promised myself I was going to write something short here, but that’s not really the case, so I’m going to wrap this up. I’ll just say that if you are at all interested in discussing these things and more, drop me a line and maybe we can meet up for drinks and conversation.

take care,

drinking Yuengling and watching Spaced
Sent Aug. 4, 2008 – 2:03am

Hi there,
I figured I would give it a go and see if you might be interested in talking. I’m pretty much about to give up and meeting people online (which I only tried because I’m crap at chatting up total strangers in person). My profile says most of what you need to know about me, and if you think you might be into that (or drinking 22 oz Yuenglings and watching Spaced), message me back. I think you’re into some cool stuff and sound pretty interesting. I’m sorry if this message is a bit forward or uninteresting, but I used to write really detailed letters and found it a waste of time. In person, however, I am pretty verbose and quite charming, i assure you.

hope to talk to you soon,

[this is where the OkCupid “Icebreakers” dealy starts coloring outside the lines (though ever so slightly).  “I think you both like sushi, vegetarian, music, no country for old men, and the pixies.” Oh, so very close!]