The Smiths | OK Cupid Letters That Never Got Responses

I have to say that this is perhaps my least favorite letter thus far that I’ve published on this blog. It’s so blah-blah-blah, exposition, brag brag brag about shows and Seattle and the Smiths (the very band she name-checks in her screen name). Gag. Like I needed to point out who Andy Rourke was. Condescending much? I don’t blame her for not responding to the boring asshole who wrote this. The only bright spots in it are my trashing of Animal Collective (although, thanks to Mike Longo, I’ve finally heard a recording of theirs that contained an actual song and not just tuneless and rhythmless bleating and banging) and the word tricycle. Also, I am disappointed that I didn’t include an ellipsis before the words “and your tricycle.” I will now kick myself in the head.

In fact, because I am so disappointed in myself for having penned this drivel (without a pen, no less), I will give you a bonus entry this week to cleanse your eye-palettes from the bland offerings given here. I suppose that I wouldn’t even post this letter on the blog if it didn’t give me yet another opportunity to knock myself down a couple pegs. What a smug jerk that me guy is. This will show him. “Hey, you suck…me!” [note – as of this going live, the author has made up with himself — ed.]

I like your style

Feb 14, 2010 – 3:55am

Sent to thischarminggrl

Sorry, thischarminggrl no longer has an account.

and your tricycle.

So, which day do you have Pavement tickets for? I’m going on the Thursday.

You have some pretty cool tastes, but I have to say, I still haven’t heard anything from Animal Collective that I’ve liked.

So, did you do anything fun Saturday night? I went to see Murder City Devils with a bunch of my friends. It was one of those awesome, life-affirming moments. I hadn’t seen them since 1999 when I saw them at the Breakroom in Seattle right before I moved to Buffalo.

Today, my brother’s band is playing a show that Andy Rourke from the Smiths is DJing. I’m pretty excited.

I don’t know how to end this letter,

Okay, so it’s been way too long since the last update…I would have told you that, even if it hadn’t already been brought to my attention by this reviewer. First it was the failed job search short-circuiting my writing synapses, and then it was the insurmountable inertia of starting to write again after not doing so for months at a time. And then, I had a very hectic retail job for an entire month before they caught on that I wasn’t putting my heart into their sales pitch, even though I did try. I wish I could make money writing a book of excuses. It would be one large book, although I would probably never finish it…
I can’t understand why this one didn’t write back. I don’t even remember much about her at this point, since she doesn’t have an account any longer. I mean, she would have to know that it takes brazen honesty in a man to admit to such a thing as liking t.A.T.u. Perhaps she wasn’t ready for someone so honest, and I would have been better served to write simply “Yo baby, I wanna pop YOUR corn!”

i, too, have tatu songs on my iPod…
Sent to muciboo
Jan. 12, 2009 – 3:41am
0% Enemy 0% Friend 0% Match

there’s just something about chipmunks singing a Smiths’ song that is irresistible.
that’s a case of “hardest truth first” if ever there was!

alas, my iPod is sort of mute at the moment (the headphone jack was getting sketchy and then i managed to complete defuse it) unless it’s plugged in to a computer or a dock. So now I’m borrowing one from my mom temporarily and when it’s on shuffle I find myself skipping a lot of Barry Manilow and Bryan Adams songs (and every other Neil Diamond song).

I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but there it is.

when you say you are a purist popcorn popper, do you mean you do it with a pot on a stovetop? Or with a 70’s-style oil-based popcorn popper (I do have one of those exactly like the kind i had as a kid, thank you eBay. Of course, on the downside, it doesn’t work all that well)?

internetwise yours,