math and being blonde

What’s got two thumbs and types with his feet planted firmly in mouth?  This guy (pointing to self)!  This may just be my most self-explanatory letter in terms of not getting a response.  I mean, you’d have to be reaching deep down into your fish barrel to want to reply to this asshole.  Sadly, this asshole is me.  At least this letter had personality, albeit a little bit off…

math and being blonde
Sent to EffingEh
Jan. 14, 2009 – 1:24am
% Enemy % Friend % Match

aren’t those contradictions?
says the guy who is only good at english and being a brunette.
oh like you haven’t heard that before.
boxed wine is the only wine i’ve ever gotten drunk on.*

*note:  this statement is patently untrue if you count Manischewitz Concord Grape as wine.  I once brought a bottle to a party (hey, it was $8 and I’m a cheap Jew) and proceeded to drink pretty much the entire thing myself.  I became something of a folk hero at that party…until I couldn’t stop puking Manschewitz Concord Grape all over the lawn

you had me until you mentioned math

Leave it to me to write to a complete stranger and throw my brother under the math bus.  Apparently, she’s seeing someone now.  I guess he likes math.  I believe I have another letter in this series that mentions the woman being blonde and good at math, so I’m sure that one needs no further investigation.

This letter goes to show that sometimes when you are drunk and/or awake at 5am, quality control is not really something you have a whole lot of.  I kind of wish that the icebreaker feature had existed then, so okcupid could have told me the stuff i inserted into brackets below, because that would have been fucking funny to send to a woman.

you had me until you mentioned math
Sent to msfrannyglass
20% Enemy 77% Friend 78% Match
Dec. 13, 2008 – 5:02am

i mean, i’m not my brother, who had problems with fractions (yeah, i know), but yeah, a jew who isn’t like accountant-awesome at math..maybe it’s because my dad’s not jewish. hmmm.

[it is important to note that OkCupid thinks we both like cooking, sushi, the shins, the beatles, and rushmore. and therefore should make babies or something]*

*please note that the bracketed sentence is NOT part of the actual letter, which is why it is in brackets.  Certain English majors I know had problems figuring this out while surfing the web at work.