not just writing this to gain activity points

Hey there, dear readers!  Hope your Monday doesn’t suck too much.  I slept through most of mine, so as to avoid the suckness factor.  Unfortunately, I slept so late that I’m going to miss my favorite Monday night activity, namely the comedy show Tell Your Friends, produced by Liam McEneaney and Jessica Flores. If you go there, tell Liam that J-Ro sent you.

This particular entry requires some prologue action, so here goes.

I was really struggling with the morality at risk in posting this letter, because, truth be told, while this letter itself did not receive a response, I later met this beautiful young lady in person accidentally through a mutual friend who has shouted out this blog.  She had a boyfriend at the time, which was a bummer, because she was quite charming.  I later came across her profile again when she was newly re-single, racked my brain over whether I had already written her (I had, but couldn’t find the letter, which is the one below) and also, why she seemed so familiar (I am a dumbass).

She and I are now friends on Facebook and even though I haven’t heard from her in a few months, I wouldn’t be surprised if she stumbled upon this blog.  I really only decided to post this series of letters because her OkCupid profile is no longer active.  [Update – just found out today that the profile is indeed active.  oops! I have edited her screenname and unlinked her profile, until she defriends me – Ed.]

Anyhow, having somehow not found the letter I sent her, I sent her a new letter.  Because this is my blog, I can do what I want, and I want to include the letter that DID get a response (and parts of what she wrote me, because it’s funny.  I am not including ANY of the personal information, because I am not a complete asshole), and parts of my response.

Anyhow, a little background on this mystery woman’s profile:  she had several photos of her doing drunk karaoke, and I was really into that.  Hence the mention of karaoke (making a repeat appearance from “Hi There!“) Phil Collins.

Since this is my most ambitious post to date, I am going to write some more details in between letters, so I hope you can keep up.  And remember, you can leave comments here (I went through an extra five minutes of trouble to get the coding to make it so).  Just click on the little thing that says “0 Comments” (until someone comments, in which case it will be 0 plus whatever amount of comments there really are) and let me know how you feel.

This is the original letter I sent that received no response:

not just writing this to gain activity points
Sent to pr@fgr#$nt*^
23% Enemy 76% Friend 75% Match
May 31, 2008 – 4:21pm

Hi there, I’ve been meaning to write you a message for about a week, but I’ve been too tired once home to think of anything meaningful to say. I still can’t think of anything meaningful to say, but I don’t like to let things linger too long unattended, I suppose, which is weird for someone as lazy as I am to say.

Nevertheless, your profile popped up one day when I was perusing this site and I must say I was intrigued. I liked the style in the writing sample you have in your journal, and I’m still looking for someone cute to talk, drink, think and laugh with. And possibly karaoke. I was recently seen at the trash bar ripping it up to “Against All Odds” as if someone poured rubbing alcohol into that empty space.

So yeah, if you’re curious about a guy who would be described as eccentric if he had tons of money and likes to write songs, has been working on a book for 5 years and is trying to be a standup comedian while having a day job and trying to run a record label, then drop a line.

you can view some words I typed here:

In the meantime, i hope you are having a good weekend.


Here is the letter I sent almost 7 months later, after having actually met her in person.  Good job, Jake.


message from an insomniac
Sent Dec. 15, 2008 – 4:08am

Hi there!

You definitely seem like the right person to take out for drunk karaoke!

I don’t normally use so many exclamation points.


 It’s 4am and I have to move my car in 5 1/2 hours before going to work…

This is not my best writing. For that, I apologize. Perhaps I can make it up to you if you respond to this letter.

Meanwhile, I should go to sleep.

take care,

PS you are totally cute and I realize I am ridiculous. And I have the stories to back this claim up.

Now here is her response.  But hey, at least this time I GOT a response! I have italicized it so you guys can differentiate.


Sent Dec. 15, 2008 – 10:03am


I guess my pictures really don’t look like me, because evidently you don’t recognize me!

I met you at Soundfix a couple of weeks ago. We both know Liam McEneaney.


Oops!  So, having sufficiently made myself look like an ass, but perhaps just enough to make her feel insecure enough to respond to me (because all those douchebag Pickup Artist types always tell you to get a woman interested by a backhanded compliment.  So, I guess, not recognizing a woman you called cute is kind of like that), I try to make it up.  Here is my edited response.


Sent Dec. 15, 2008 – 12:56pm

Holy crap! (Name withdrawn)!  I looked at your profile and thought for sure I had totally messaged you on here before, but could find no proof of ever doing so, but you looked so familiar it was killing me. You know, aside from the fact that I once before DID try to message you but failed to come up with any words as lame as what I sent you at 4am this morning.

Well, at least now I know why! You totally look like your photos, except for the whole being in 3 dimensions thing. And now, aside from my case of mental retardation, it isn’t awkward, because we’ve actually met in person. I did not lie when I told you I was ridiculous.

Um, yeah, so that night I thought you had a boyfriend or something?  Or I am just crazy.  I stand by my earlier statement about you being totally cute. And now that I’ve blown it by confusing real life and the internets, are you going to any comedy shows this week?  Like Liam’s Darfur benefit tonight?

oh and if you do want to still talk to me again, you can find me at (email address withdrawn).


She then sent me a response detailing the saga of the boyfriend thing and that was the end of our Ok Cupid volley.  We then became Facebook friends and once in a while she pops up at a comedy show I’m at.

If you enjoyed this blog, leave a comment below and tell your friends!


Hi There!

Dear loyal readers (and new friends),

Here is yet another attempt by me at brevity.  My friend Christine, who has been enjoying these letters, mentioned that the consistent theme of them all so far seem to be that they are hard to respond to by nature, and I don’t ask a lot of questions.  She may be right.  Usually I try to point out something in the woman’s profile and then run with it.  You know, try to find something we’re both into and talk about it (usually typing too many words, and I imagine that some of these letters just make the intended’s eyes glaze over until the head hits the keyboard and the message gets deleted).  I can’t remember anything about this girl or why I told her about my awesome karaoke stylings, but seriously, who wouldn’t want to at least hang out with a dude who can belt out “Against All Odds” without being totally hammered?  I mean, I would at least hang out with a guy just to see it.

NOTE:  Unlike the previous recipients, this young lady’s profile is still active and the link works.  It appears she is seeing someone, is 5′ 10″, lives in Queens and likes to run.  I don’t know why I messaged her.  Also, she’s on a healthy lifestyle kick, so that would explain not writing me back, since I am on a moderately-paced train to mildly overweight middle-age and would be surprised if I lived past 70.

So enjoy!  And please, tell your friends and start following me.  My twitter is up above.

Happy Hannukah!

Hi there!
Sent to itsbelinda
13% Enemy 79% Friend 85% Match
Mar. 29, 2008 – 6:41pm

Hi, I just saw you on here and I have to say you seem really cool. I’m definitely intrigued. I’m just gonna keep this short and simple and not give in to my propensity for babbling.

i will tell you this about myself: last night after my friend’s band played a show, the bar had karaoke and I got up and sang “Against All Odds” and I wasn’t even drunk. I mean, I had had several drinks, but, not drunk. Oh, and it was awesome.

take care,

[it should be noted that this was a long time before OkCupid implemented their new “Icebreakers” thingy, which basically finds random words/phrases in both profiles, and then uses these to prompt lazier lurkers to write a note to someone whose profile hasn’t been thoroughly read yet based on this “Cliff’s Notes” approach — I recently received a message from a young lady whom OkCupid had mislead to think that I was a fan of ice-skating, when in actuality my profile says:

“I am afraid to go ice-skating because I’m a clutz, and I fear that if I were to fall down (a very likely prospect), my fingers might get sliced off by a rogue skater. However, the idea of ice-skating looks like it could be a romantic couple activity, so if I met the right girl, I would like to learn to ice skate. Maybe I will wait until she and I are engaged or otherwise inextricably entangled so that if I did lose a finger or more, she couldn’t leave me so I wouldn’t have to try to pick up girls with a hook for a hand (a la Buster Bluth).

So you can see that it is not exactly foolproof.  Anyhow, according to this program, we should bone each other because “I think you both like cooking, spaceballs, assassination vacation, modest mouse, and ween.”  And that’s good enough for me!]