As promised, here is this week’s bonus post (hooray!), to take your mind off of the worst email/letter a woman has gotten from me on what I failed to realize was Valentine’s Day (I seriously just noticed this fact while scrolling through the file of all my entries this very moment)!!  An even better reason for her to have not responded.  I might as well have sent an email saying “Hey there, what has two thumbs and is single on Valentine’s Day and sitting on one of said thumbs because he’s super lonely?  This guy (I can send you a photo of me pointing at myself with my thumbs if you haven’t slit your own throat after reading this if you like)!”  Sometimes I wish I was as good at business stuff or following through on goals and dreams as I am at making fun of myself.  If self-deprecation was an Olympic event, I would probably get disqualified for juicing (on bile).  I should point out, for the record, that I am not self-loathing.  I think I am a spazz and a cartoon character in a human being’s body, but I don’t hate myself.  Most of the time, I think I’m pretty damn awesome.  And judging from the amount of women I have dated who have moved as far away from me as possible, I am way too fucking charming.  I haven’t done a final tally, but I think I have ex-girlfriends in ten states.

This post is a break from routine, as there was a response, albeit brief and never followed up on.  Too bad.  Oh well, c’est la vie… especially my la vie.  Misplaced energy is all I am good at producing.  I mean, I know that I can’t sit around and wait for things to happen, and I have to make my own luck.  So, hey, I’m trying.

And lastly, in the “oh shit, someone already made this” department, my plans to make and sell Metro-gnomes have been thwarted by another!

I really didn’t know what to put in the subject line, but thought that this might pique your interest. I’ll let you figure out what a metrognome is (you seem pretty, witty and bright from your profile, so I’m confident you’ll figure me out). Basically, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about words that end in nome so that I can make them end in gnome. Like, if I could draw at all, I would want to make a cartoon called “David the Gastro-Gnome” voiced by Tom Bosley. Basically, David just goes around reviewing restaurants and having adventures.

I don’t want to ramble too much in this missive, but I like the cut of your jib, specifically how you reference “Say Anything” in your profile and that you don’t like Ethan Hawke. And while I don’t drive a bitchin’ camaro, Joe Jack Talcum has slept over my house (we drank Yeungling and talked about Monty Python)…

Well, I guess if any of this interests you, I’d like to hear what kind of whiskeys and steaks you like. Also, a favorite SWC quote. Mine is “All they hear is ‘Who wants cake?’ And let me tell you something. They ALWAYS want cake!” not sure if that’s why I cut back on my cake intake (incake?).

Insomniacally Yours,

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