saw your screenname and had to say

Dear loyal readers,

I truly am sorry for the ridiculously long delay between posts…this summer kind of got away from me.  I felt truly overwhelmed with the sheer amount of social obligations that I felt could not be ignored, because I knew that economic uncertainties would force me to spend much of the Autumn and Winter away from the types of activities that I seem to partake in most, namely going out to bars and/or shows.  I will explain it thusly:  I have been devastatingly unhappy at my (now former) job at the shitty warehouse, and I knew I had to get out of there to save my soul from being crushed forever.  Since my original goal of finding a better (ie, a job that pays more than $11 an hour, possibly in my field (broadcasting), much like my old job at MTV Networks) gig to pay my bills and allow me to live the lifestyle to which I’ve grown accustomed to over the last 17 years was not meeting with much success, I decided to make an executive decision.  Once I secured my paid week’s vacation from the warehouse and made sure that my recent ER bill would be covered by workers’ compensation (the pain was job related and cost me at least one day of work, not to mention the $1500 ER bill that I can’t pay on $11 an hour), and secured a new job, I was going to quit.

So, through some friends, I decided to apply to a growing supermarket chain that caters to healthier eating.  I was hired pretty quickly, so once I got hired and was given my training dates, I waited until after getting a paid holiday (ironically, Labor Day will be my last paid holiday for the foreseeable future, as those don’t really exist in retail) to ask for my vacation time and workers’ comp claim, in case I was spurred to quit and tell my boss to pleasure himself rectally with his own member.  I decided this was a good course of action.  So I got my vacation approved on the day after Labor Day, at about 5:55pm (I worked until 6pm there), to start the next day.  I would return the following Wednesday.  Unbeknownst to them, I started training on that Saturday and Sunday, and my first shift was actually on the Monday in the middle of this “vacation.”  And since I wasn’t scheduled for Wednesday, Thursday or Friday at the new job, I decided I would try to stick out the warehouse job until the end of the week since I was taking a significant pay decrease (a dollar less an hour for about 12 less hours a week), just to make a little more bank.  It turns out that I just couldn’t wait to leave, so at about 4:30pm on Wednesday, I decided it was time to set myself free from the shackles of the warehouse environs that had beaten my soul and body into an unpleasant mess.  The exchange with my soon-to-be-ex boss was longer and more civilized then I had anticipated.  I then briefly caught up a couple former colleagues on some of the office stuff I was doing before I decided to grab some beers and go to the beach before going home.

I am now finishing up my second full week working the deli counter, which I have never done before.  It’s totally new to me, but also kind of exciting, and exhausting in different ways.  Also, it’s weird adjusting to a new schedule (I work the closing shift, and especially on weekends, which is fine, since I don’t like working at 6am ever, and I keep hoping it will keep me from going out too much, especially now that I will be making a lot less drinking money), and I don’t think I’ve completely managed the transition yet, but after a month I should hopefully not have to sleep late on my days off anymore.  These transitions and a general lack of writing is what led to such a long gap between posts.  Which I vow to prevent in the future, unless it’s for a really good reason.  So, this post might not be the best post, but if you’re lucky, a good one will be not far behind (one can only hope, right?).

So yeah, the exchange below is kind of disappointing.  Just so many sparks flying in the air between our respective fingertips and keyboards.  I guess some girls just don’t care how cool their screen names are.  Maybe she hates my favorite album and wants a guy to tell her that On the Mouth is the best album ever.  Maybe she was one of the weirdos who was hoping for a dude-bro with naked photos of himself flexing in the bathroom mirror to send her a message like “Yo baby, what’s up?  You got a little Italian in you?  You want one?”  (And yes, that was a small penis joke about dude-bros who get naked for photos and flex.  It was NOT an Italian joke.  The subject of the joke being Italian is merely a vehicle to transport us to the punchline.  When you tell this joke, you can use whatever nationality you want, but if you use any type of Asian, that makes you a racist. – Ed.)  I guess I just expect too much out of indie-rock chicks sometimes, which is sad, since I’ve been around them for like 20 years, and very few of them ever seem to go for me.  Maybe one day I will learn this lesson.  But not today.

saw your screenname and had to say
Sent to packagethief 
Jan 12, 2009 – 4:01am
Sorry, packagethief no longer has an account.

superchunk is one of my favorite bands ever. Foolish is my fave album. I know that’s a bold and daring thing to say, but there ya go.

i also have a weakness for cute bass-playing ladies (and wondering why most of them in the 90s were named Kim).

if i actually had a band, i would cover “Mona Skips Breakfast” by Small. I hope you know who they are, because otherwise I just sound like a moron.

Oh and I am friends with Slingshot Dakota, so it’s funny to see them in someone’s favorites.

later.
j

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Sent from packagethief 
Jan 12, 2009 – 7:07pm

cool. yeah they are my favorite band. foolish is a good album but my favorite is on the mouth, followed by no pocky, and so on and so forth.

yeah one of bands played with slingshot. really nice people and good music.

shakespeare and midgets and Haiku? Oh my!

It is once again approaching 1am on a Sunday night/Monday morning and here I am just beginning to type this post, which I ostensibly was hoping to start on two albums ago, when I popped in my Japanese import copy of Joe Pernice’s Big Tobacco CD, before popping in a purloined promo copy of a Múm CD from 2007 that appeared in a box of used CD’s at my job.  Now it’s a promo Mercury Rev CD with radio sessions I got the same way.  None of this has anything to do with the post below or the weekend I just had (aside from Mercury Rev’s “Goddess On A Hiway” playing on my iPhone while driving home from the Hudson Valley this afternoon), but I like to ramble a lot in this space so that I feel like you’ve gotten your money’s worth, you smart shopper, you.

Apropos of this website and its side-effects, I spent the weekend driving up and down the New York Thruway so I could witness the union of two very happy and nerdy people.  It was the third wedding in three Saturdays I had been to, and all three of them were the kind of wedding that shows you that True Love may actually exist on this god-forsaken green ball hurtling through space just waiting to be swallowed up by a black hole.  The ceremony, on top of a mountain, was extremely short and sweet.  Luckily, nobody could see the little trickle of water from behind my Foster Grant shades.  To hear the story of how the couple had originally met at college and dated briefly between on-again-off-again relationships only to reconnect years later when aforementioned relationships finally turned off for good, and they’ve been inseparable ever since.  It’s incredibly heartwarming to hear and powerful to witness.  And if you don’t buy the nerdy part, let me just point out that all guests received multiple books from the newlyweds.  Mine were books referring to my college nickname of Crazy Pablo.  They might not hold up as fascinating reading, but I will read them nonetheless and get back to you.  The thoughtfulness was beyond expectations.  I was just bummed I missed the processional hike up the mountain because I managed to pass out in a rest stop with the radio on, killing my battery in the process and being forced to wander the parking lot begging for a jump.  Very thankful to the kids who helped me out and asked for nothing in return.  Proof that not everyone is a self-serving jerk.  Even more thankful that I was invited to, and made it to the wedding itself.

Also glad that none of these weddings were in “typical” wedding halls that churn out marriages like a factory showroom.  If you’re going to do it, do it right and be true to who you are as a couple.  This summer’s trifecta of weddings I was invited to proved this to be a good theory.  Would have been a better one if I had managed to hook up with someone at one of them.  Especially since I was DJing one of them.  Oh well.  A Wedding Crasher, I suppose I am not.  I’d probably do well at funerals, though.  That’s where I’m a Viking (get it, oh I’m so hilarious!  This is why I’m single, no, really).  I felt honored to get to share in these events, and as much as I hate weddings, I’m a big romantic, and my heart swells with happiness for these six friends whose lives have become three this summer.  I know I at least have one more wedding this year, luckily not until October, and definitely a unique one, as I know of nobody else being wed at the Knitting Factory in Brooklyn.

But this post was not meant to be about nuptials.  I am so far away from that happening in my life.  I have had a little trouble in getting to a second date in recent times, and I can’t imagine why (please see lame joke in preceding paragraph if you either have a bad short-term memory or just don’t get sarcasm).  This post is about trying to connect with someone via the series of tubes called the interweb, that runs underground and through the air, connecting us to millions of people but not really.  It’s the reason why we stay up past our bedtimes on Sunday nights when we have work the next morning, but we allow ourselves to be distracted by our friends who are also procrastinating on being productive before bed.

Once upon a time, I wrote the woman below, and was replied to, but yet I failed to return said volley.  I think I have an inkling as to why, and if I’m correct, it’s because I had a friend I was hung up on at the time (for a long time, really) and for some reason, I kept deluding myself into thinking eventually she would break down and have no choice but to admit that she couldn’t resist my charms any longer.  This never happened.  Instead, she moved to Austin, Texas, where despite (or maybe because of) not having found a job in three-plus years, she is having a wonderful go of it.  Her moving 1800 miles away was probably also a good thing for my already-tragic dating life.  Clearly, if this hadn’t been the case at the time, I would have followed up with this young lady, whose photo of being in a stockade is sadly no longer available, as she probably found a wonderful black albino midget to spend her life with while I was hoping to get my friend drunk enough to admit her feelings for me (which was another brilliant plan of mine that definitely did NOT backfire in any way and eventually leading to her phone being stolen on the Long Island Rail Road.  Nope, that never happened).

Anyhow, I could probably just go on and on about these mishaps (and should I, I would prefer to save such over-sharing for the book I’ve been writing for 9 1/2 years (it’s like the opposite of “9 1/2 Weeks” – there’s a lot of hemming and hawing, doomed romance and one scene with chocolate and fruit being used in the bedroom, but it was really sticky and gross and not at all sexy like in the film), which would hopefully lead to people paying me for the pleasure of reading about my ridiculous train-wreck love-life (or lack thereof), because everyone loves a little schadenfreude (translated, that means “a Sigmund Freud bobble-head that does coke lines off your baby bump” because that’s a thing that happens to everyone all the time), no?
And with that last paragraph comes proof that I might need to get some sleep because I have clearly gotten loopy.  That, or I found the key to inspiration in the Vitamin String Quartet’s Tribute To R.E.M. CD at 2am.  For all of you who are reading this on Monday, I will throw some hyper-link easter eggs onto this puppy sometime before Tuesday becomes real, but at this point it is 2:25am and I really need to try and sleep before work (although the 2 hour nap from 7:30 – 9:30pm really helped this post come alive).  So without further ado, I give you “Shakespeare and midgets and Haiku!”

shakespeare and midgets and Haiku? Oh my!
Sent to ShortInsomniac
Dec 14, 2008 – 3:17am
Sorry, ShortInsomniac no longer has an account.

Hey there!
I loved that line about walking past a midget and not turning around. It reminds me of the story a friend of mine told me about how awesome her day was when she was walking down the street and passed not just a sassy transvestite, but ALSO a black albino AND a dwarf! When I said “I wonder if the albino was this guy Victor I know?” she said “Don’t take this away from me!”

Anyways, the haiku was a nice touch, I thought, and you probably get messages from people who are like “Where’s the haiku?” And I’ve got to say I got a kick out of the Grace Adler joke, because my best friend Tiffany is a lesbian, and we make a lot of “indie rock reverse Will and Grace” jokes and then one day, my brother was like “You guys are like Will and Grace, but you’re Grace” and I was like “I know! Tiffany and I have said that before.” We also get into all sorts of crazy mischief.

And I can’t let the message go out into the ether of the internets without saying that if the photos are telling the truth, your eyes are amazing! And I like the big curly hair, too. But enough seriousness…that stockade photo is the best thing I’ve ever seen on this site.

I’ve been known to make Shakespeare jokes, and although I do own the complete works (and have for many moons), I still am too lazy to read it all…maybe someday on the subway I will lug one of the big volumes with me…though I fear that i may lose all feeling in whichever arm I am holding it up with.

take care,
j

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Sent from ShortInsomniac
Dec 19, 2008 – 8:44pm

Hey J,

I’ve had several people comment on the “walking past a midget” line, but you’re the first to find a “that reminds me of a time in my own life” segue. I guess that’s something to be proud of…

Actually, nobody’s ever asked where the haiku was…I think that anyone who doesn’t get it is too frightened by the rest of my profile to even bother messaging me. I mean, a girl who gets locked up in the stocks isn’t someone you wanna mess with…

Hope you’re stayin warm!

RE:trying to figure out the matching system here

It is once again another Sunday night and I am internally cringing at the thought of another work-week commencing at 9am (which means that I have to wake up about 7 hours from the moment I am typing this sentence, which will probably mean much less sleep than that by the time this is posted and my mind shuts the fuck up), but after recently being grabbed by the shirt collar by my unhinged boss (he seriously has issues) and then offered a half-assed promotion/raise (one of those issues is that he is a cheap fuck) when he realized that I was about to walk out of there (if I had ANY money, I would have walked out anyway, but times being what they are… I sadly need this job just a tad more than my self-respect.  At least for a little while longer.  Hopefully when summer is over, something will appear), it means that if I show up to work, I will earn (on average) an extra $16 a day, which doesn’t sound like much, but on a two-week paycheck, it’s significant.  After even a paycheck with just two days of the new position, it made a difference.  Not much of one, as I’m still too poor to pay all my bills, but I’m getting closer.

I am trying to post these on the regular again, which is hard with all these weddings and summer things going on (2 consecutive Saturdays and 2 consecutive weddings down and one more to go), and the excessive drinking that comes with being unhappy with oneself while people around you are getting married, having kids, getting actual decent jobs, etc.  Regardless, I will write myself out of this rut and that begins now!

I was looking over possible candidates for letters to publish tonight, and this one caught my fancy, because the second paragraph in my initial letter is exactly the kind of writing that comes out of me when I am in the zone, and it makes me almost remember how awesome I’m supposed to be.  Also, she wrote back, so it proves that sometimes, these things actually happen.  I then wrote her back, but after that…nothing.  I wish I knew what happened, and I wish there was a profile still there.  Somewhere out there is a Kate I almost went on a date with, and yet, I do not know what she looks like anymore, should I ever pass her on the street or at a Sonic Youth show (see this post, which I thought I posted somewhere on the internet, but couldn’t find).

Also, I know what many of you are thinking – “One American using ‘cheers’ in an email is bad enough, but TWO?  Those tossers deserve each other.  To hell with the lot of them!”  And then maybe you’re also thinking I went a little overboard on the music nerdery, and in this instance, I would concur.  I found myself cringing just a tad when I got to the paragraph about Billy Childish.  But that show WAS AMAZING!!  I was sitting two feet away from the man himself!  I know I have one friend who probably hates me for having been there.  Oh and for anyone keeping score, I’ve definitely heard the Vivian Girls in the ensuing four years since this message was sent, way back in the days when I had a decent job, an apartment in Brooklyn, and there was a stupid frat boy in the White House whose awesomeness at his job led to all of that disappearing.

RE:trying to figure out the matching system here
 Sent to drumsnguitar
Aug 30, 2008 – 2:06pm
Sorry, drumsnguitar no longer has an account.

Hi there,

60% strikes me as odd when you compare our interests and favorite bands (although to be fair, I didn’t properly list my favorite bands on here, so the fact that I’m heavily into C86 and the Wedding Present doesn’t show up, but there are no questions about C86 on this site), love of banter and repartee and food. Does this mean that you can’t judge a person by what they like, but what they’re like? Because I find when I meet people who may have similar dispositions, but dissimilar tastes, I don’t know what to say or talk about.

So, you’re into a lot of the same stuff as me, but perhaps you eat babies (well, to be fair, when it says “likes children” on the sidebar, it doesn’t exclude “…for breakfast.” Now, I’m not saying you eat children, because why would I cast aspersions as tot he character of a lady I haven’t met? But I must say, you probably don’t get too many emails from strange guys wondering if the reason for such a low match rating is cannibalism.

Anyways, I hope you have a lovely day. I’m gonna go see Sonic Youth. Yippee.

cheers,

J

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Sent from drumsnguitar
Aug 30, 2008 – 3:28pm

Hi J,

You know what bugs? There will forever be that differentiation between the Baumbach and Ferrell Kicking & Screaming. I do that all the time. One of my favorite movies (Chris Eigeman is an eternal crush). Which local bands do you like? Tell me about your label. I’m working on a piece about Vivian Girls and Crystal Stilts, both very C86/Flying Nun.

Where did you live in Seattle? I moved from there last summer. (Lived in Lower Queen Anne. Sigh. Miss that apartment.) Thanks for the note, and enjoy Sonic Youth & the long weekend — I’m envious! I never did get to McCarren for a show and it looks like that was my last chance.

Cheers,

Kate

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Sent to drumsnguitar
Aug 30, 2008 – 10:47pm

Helloooo Kate,

I totally hear you about Kicking & Screaming. I remember when the WIll Ferrel movie came out, I was all indignant about it. Also, Chris Eigeman is one of my favorite actors ever. I just noticed how all the Whit Stillman movies were on your favorites list. Then again, how can they not be?

I saw Crystal Stilts open for The Vaselines at Southpaw and thought they were amazing! I had really low expectations. I’m kind of a snob when it comes to music. My label is called ESCHE (stands for Example Such Cloth Hammer Engine – it came to me in a spam email) and I’ve put out releases by The Repercussions (the Long Island garage rock band, not the 70’s soul band or the shitty DC punk band), Space Robot Scientists, Trashed On Fiction (they have a new one coming out soon, and are still together, unlike the previous bands mentioned. please check ’em out at myspace.com/trashedonfiction), who are amazing and The Lord Humongous (also from Long Island and not a shitty Maryland punk band)…I’m still working on getting proper distribution and whatnot. I LOVE Flying Nun stuff. Also, I own the C86 comp on LP. It is one of my prized possessions.

I used to live in the U District (I worked at the Tower there for almost 3 years), and I miss going to shows at the OK Hotel (RIP) and the Breakroom. I saw Billy Childish do a reading there, followed by a semi-acoustic Thee Headcoats set. One of my favorites songs right now is the solo version of “You Make Me Die” on the cd “At The Bridge” – plus, my iPod likes to play The Buff Medways.

Oh, the Vivian Girls opened for SY, but I missed them. Haven’t heard them yet. But I own the Monks of Doom cd with the song of that name on it.

wow, i could probably talk forever about music and movies, etc…and my friends’ band is supposed to go on at 11 and it’s 10:45 and i’m still in williamsburg. they’re playing at Lit. yikes.

maybe we should meet up for coffee or drinks and chat it up?

hope your weekend is awesome (although it can’t be as awesome as mine because Sonic Youth played “Making The Nature Scene.” Sorry.

Oh and Josef K is the bomb. I just played them for my bff and she went apeshit.

–j

from one neurotic jew to another…

And we’re back!  Sorry I missed you dear readers for a couple of weeks (going on more than a month now, yikes), but I was a little thrown off my game by waking up to work at 6am on a Sunday morning.  I don’t think I’m going to do that again.  This whole flexible hours job thing is probably not going to work for me.  Mostly because they keep scheduling me within my availability as they see it, but not the way i see it.  So much for that plan.  Going to try again to just keep my head down, get through the work week at the shitty place and make money while I try to find a better job instead of a job that pays less and has less hours.  Having to move all my stuff out of the house that I just moved into less than 4 months ago may have also slowed my writing down a bit.  And so it goes…

I’m in a mostly good mood right now after having a Memorial Day weekend jam-packed with food, friends and fun.  Of course, moving on a paid day off seems productive, but really cuts down on day drinking on a day when you are expected to do so.  It’s now Friday and I just took two nights off from moving shit, after running up and down stairs with a ridiculous number of boxes of LP records for like 5 days straight.  My first night off from heavy lifting found me at karaoke night at the Sage Cafe in Blue Point with my friend Meg, who is too tall, too blonde, and way too pretty to even be seen in a room with me.  I think she may have been an entire drinking age younger than the youngest woman in the bar before we got there.  Partly because I wanted to do something different and partly because selection was limited, I ended up doing three songs I’ve never sung before:  “Cry Like A Baby” by the Box Tops (I usually do “The Letter” but decided to give it a break because I do it all the time); “Under the Milky Way” by The Church (I was way too pitchy on that one, and will not attempt it again until my voice fully recovers from my recent awful cold); and “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out” by The Smiths (wasn’t too bad.  I normally do “Suedehead” by Morrissey, but that wasn’t an option).

So yeah, I’ve been trying to write this post on my coffee breaks at work (I get two 30 minute breaks a day, during which I try to cram in writing and editing my book, napping, eating and internet stuff, and driving to a nearby park and back – I don’t currently work at a desk with a computer like I used to.  I miss those days), but lately I’m just napping.  Perhaps one day I’ll learn how to fall asleep in a timely fashion, but I have to say that 38 years into this life, I don’t see this happening anytime soon.  I feel like the best course of action is to just sit in my car in the parking lot at work so that I can’t access the internet and waste 25 minutes of my break on Facebook.  But none of this has anything to do with the letter below.  So let’s just go to the next paragraph where I will briefly summate (I have never used that word before – how cool is that?) my feelings on it.

So, this lady had a crazy photo (just one) posted that I wish I could show you now, but since she no longer has an account (and hasn’t for some time), that is not possible at this time.  If I recall correctly, it presented her in a baby bonnet, holding a milk bottle (presumably filled with alcohol), with a kind of sneer on her face, looking sort of like Courtney Love playing Little Miss Muffet.  Needless to say, I was intrigued.  I was really bummed that she never wrote back after my reply.  I’ve always been on the lookout for a crazy woman to do weird things with in public, like stage a couple-fight or a public pregnancy scare… kind of like Improv Everywhere, but more like Improv Inappropriate.  If you are a female and think this is a good idea, don’t hesitate to write.  We could have fun at the expense of nosey people with no lives of their own…  Also, if this was you, holla back, 2008 girl.

from one neurotic jew to another…
Nov 4, 2008 – 12:20am
Message from JustJewIt
Sorry, JustJewIt no longer has an account.

 i think we should be friends. wanna hang out?

for the record – i’m not looking for a relationship/dating/whatever. or “casual encounters” (which seem kinda creepy, anyway). just new friends.

hit me up, homeslice.

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Sent to JustJewIt
Nov 6, 2008 – 12:24am

hanging out is cool.

i try to think of “casual encounters” as more of a Jeff Spicoli-ripoff character from a movie I never saw called the Wild Life stoner kid going “it’s casual” anyway, I think I’ve said too much.

ha ha.

word

-j

Hi (a letter from a woman on OK Cupid that I never responded to)

Dear readers, I hope you are doing well this night.  I’m in the middle of another big shakeup in my life, but not one of my own choosing (for the most part).  The good news about all of this forced upheaval, is that I will be able to quit my awful job that has been killing me physically and crushing my soul, and transition into a new job with more flexible hours and a corporate structure to ensure that I don’t get treated like a piece of charnel by a lunatic without any sense.  Hopefully, I can manage to nail the bastard for breach of contract once I leave.  Granted, it means holing up at my parents’ house once more, but this time to save money and be ready for the next big move without teetering on the edge of a broken wallet.

But enough about that malarkey.  The best news about having a more flexible job means that I should have more time to finish my book.  I know I’ve been talking about this book forever (believe me, I feel like I’ve been writing it forever – 9 1/2 years to date), but I’ve finally started editing it for real.  Which means it should only take me another 5 years to complete.  I’m also looking forward to being able to afford to eat sushi again.

This week’s post is yet another twist on the formula.  This time, I’m the asshole.  I didn’t reply to this letter.  I can’t tell you why because this profile no longer exists, but it’s probably because I didn’t find her attractive.  Or didn’t understand why she has “taco” in her screen name, as do about a thousand other women on this site.  I still don’t get it.  Kind of like the mexican place in Austin called Wahoo’s Fish Tacos, since, well, “wahoo” and “fish taco” are synonyms.

I will say that I enjoyed Lisa’s one-liner about my head, which refers to the photo below, which was captioned with something along the lines of “My friend Josh took this photo and the angle makes me resemble one of those giant head Easter Island statues.”

Check out how much my head looks like an Easter Island statue here!

 

But like I’ve said before, I’m probably just a horrible person, so I didn’t write this girl back because I probably found her unattractive.  Feel free to comment on this post and tell me how I deserve all the horrible things that have happened to me because karma isn’t just the name of your favorite stripper.

Hi
Message from Agnusmycat_taco
Apr 25, 2008 – 5:28pm

Don’t worry, your head only vaguely looks like an Eastern Island statue. Lisa

i thought that…

I’ve been having a lot of fun straying from the formula just a little bit lately.  Not only because shaking things up keeps it fresh, but because it also pads out the finite amount of material I’ve accumulated over the last few years (I mean, it’s not like I can honestly write to women solely in the hopes they don’t write me back – that would be disingenuous and deceitful and the antithesis of what this project is all about — these emails are all sincere and sent because I want to hook up or something).  So I’ve decided to go through some old messages that may have gotten one or two volleys before stopping dead and start posting them.  I will probably alternate, but either way, I will be posting more “letters that got perhaps one response.”  Then again, this is my playground, so I make the rules and break the rules.  Nyah nyah nyah.

This week’s post is a one volley correspondence from almost four years ago, so I have no idea what this woman looks like, or what our match percentage was.  Context clues tell me that she may have been on the goth side (I am nothing if not a regular Sherlock Holmes, dear Watson).  I’m just tickled that someone out there knew what “Son of Albert” was.  I am also gathering from this that I was the one who never replied after the first volley.  I don’t know why that is.  And now the world will never know, for she is no longer on OK Cupid.

One last note:  I still have not listened to either the Andrew Ridgely or the Curt Smith records to this date.

i thought that…
Sent to girl__afraid
Jun 12, 2008 – 1:53am

Goths listened EXCLUSIVELY to WHAM! and Barry Manilow.

but seriously, I bought “Son of ALbert” for a dollar once. and I just found an EP by Curt Smith (aka the Other guy from Tears For Fears” in the trash. So I’m working on the “dudes left behind by their more famous partners” series of albums. There’s just too many Paul McCartney albums out there, though. (j/k)

I dunno. I didn’t have anything exciting to say, but I saw the wham thing and couldn’t resist. Gasoline fight!

-J

————————————–

Sent from girl__afraid
Jun 12, 2008 – 2:00pm

OMG Son of Albert was soooooooo bad I couldn’t take it! I found it at Tower for like .99 or something. ICk. He was always my favorite member of the band too (considering he did nothing).

😛

How was the Curt Smith album? I saw them recently on some radio show on YouTube – they still sounded really good. I love that band.

Glad you’re not afraid to talk about these things – lol.

Sorry, girl__afraid no longer has an account.

don delillo

Good evening, gentle readers (or good afternoon rough readers – whichever is applicable, just make sure it sounds like Alfred Hitchcock saying it).  I will be presenting you with another one of those weird mystery messages that you used to be able to send out to a random person with whom some computer says you have things in common with.  For some reason, it seems like none of the women who messaged me using this feature ever messaged me back.  So basically, this is another installment of “Responses To OK Cupid Letters That Never Got Responses” for your perusal and hopefully, your reading pleasure.

I am going to also take this opportunity to thank someone who isn’t featured anywhere in this blog (but has one of her own) for some constructive criticism.  It was really funny, because she started with “hey…can I talk to you about something? and I thought for sure it was something bad.  I suppose it shows where my head is at that I replied “i guess so. did i do something wrong?”  Once she said “No. Not at all” I said “then talk away.”  Here is what she had to say:

“well…it’s weird to say
but i will
because I give a shit about you.
🙂
I’ve been keeping up with your blog
and I enjoy reading it
but I think I may know what you’re doing wrong in your letters
is that weird to talk about? If so, just tell me”

And then I was all “not weird at all.  i was scared for a second.”  She said “Oh shit, sorry.”  And then I told her “my friend Christine says a lot of them aren’t really open-ended.  like she can’t tell if i’m trying to start a conversation or just spouting random nonsense.”

“well…I wouldn’t say it exactly like that.
but yeah…maybe ask the girl something where she can jump in
girls read those letters and they’re like: ‘Okay. What does he want to know about ME? So he’s telling me stuff but what am I supposed to say?'”

And of course, all I could say was “right.  There are several like that.”

“And I know you’re trying to get your stuff out there because you’re a passionate person
but girls like to be…like…fawned over a little
and I know it’s a little lame doling out advice as my longest relationship was 10 months and that was like 10 years ago…you’re not mad at me are you?”

“Why would I be made at you?  you had helpful hints and you shared them.  ;p HOW DARE YOU!?  I thought you were going to tell me that the introductions were a little too personal/too dark lately.”

And then the conversation shifted into other personal things we won’t get into here.  But I think it’s funny whenever someone picks up on that.   On the bright side, most of these letters that don’t really leave an opening for a reply are 2-3 years old.  On the downside, I don’t think my letters have changed all that much since then.  Oh well.  Here is a reply that didn’t get a reply.  I’m trying to learn how to start a conversation.  At my advanced age, it’s hard sometimes to learn new skills.  Oddly enough, the letter this mystery woman sent was direct and to the point.  Something my letters seldom ever are.

don delillo
Apr 17, 2010 – 8:19am
Message from FunnyGirl_BX
Sorry, FunnyGirl_BX no longer has an account.

Hi:
So an algorithm I don’t understand tells me that we are compatible and both enjoy Don DeLillo. White Noise is my favorite. Yours?

Nicole

Apr 18, 2010 – 9:00pm

Hi Nicole!

I don’t understand their algorithms either, because it seems that many women who you would think would match me better (especially friends from the real world) don’t, and then people I have seemingly nothing in common with rate highly. I rate especially high with latino and bbw women for some reason (only half-kidding).

My favorite DeLillo is Underworld, which was also the first one I read of his, after picking up the first thing I found after reading an interview with Lee Ranaldo of Sonic Youth that he loved Don DeLillo, and especially White Noise. The only book of his I haven’t gotten through so far is Libra. I want to re-read White Noise to figure out why so many of my friends hate it with such passion.

you also seem to like Trivial Pursuit and cooking. I am definitely on board with that! I wish I got to play TP more. and I don’t get to participate in as many pub quizzes as i would like.

Well, I hope you had a fun weekend!