Dear loyal readers (and perhaps a few of you random internet lurkers who managed to click on my page by accident),

It is my goal to reward you all (or at least the 90 of you who bothered to tune in this week to my first post in two months, no big deal, really.  I don’t mind if you forget me…) for your patience with a second post in one week.  Also, this one is a freshie!  Just in case you all were wondering if I have written anyone since 2011 (the answer is “not as many as in 2008-2009, but I have written some, and many of those did not receive responses).

Apparently, I have started sending messages from my phone whilst drunk (and seemingly only at the Velvet Lounge), using the OKCupid mobile app.  I have set my “broadcast” a couple times, hoping that some random OKC girl nearby will show up at whatever bar I’m at in the 180 minutes that the broadcast is set for.  Needless to say, that hasn’t bore any fruit at this juncture, but it’s fun(ny) to plant those seeds nonetheless.  So I will probably keep doing that until I have a girlfriend, or at least something more than the occasional random drunk makeout that leads to platonic misery (I’m a viking at those – especially at eliciting responses that would send amateurs with thinner skin than mine to the hardware store for rope.  And 2 out of 3 lesbians that I have drunkenly made out with immediately ran to the bathroom to puke after – true story).  So what follows is one of those supremely drunken messages sent by me via phone while out drinking too much.  I actually debated posting this because it’s not even been a whole month since I sent the message, but one glance and you’ll come to the conclusion that I did once I sobered up:  this woman is never going to respond to this letter.  In fact, if she sees me on the street or on the web in other forums, she will look away or click “block” or whatever people do when they want to avoid contact (I once hid in the Classical section of the Tower Records I worked at when a girl form high school walked in the store).  Of course, that’s really too bad, because I totally gave her the best opening to tell me something awesome about herself.  Oh, well.  So now, without further ado, here is a recent letter I sent into the abyss via technology…

Hey there!
So, most times I log in when I’m out (usually at the velvet lounge), you pop up. And honestly, you’re a lot cuter than most of what else pops up. I am sure there used to be more in your profile, but I can’t imagine it’s gotten so bad you had to strip your profile of your personality. Tell me one thing awesome about you.

Also, I just heard will arnett and Amy poehler broke up, so I’m feeling vulnerable right now.

-J
Sent from the OkCupid app