Hey there! (well, that will have to do, since there are no longer subject lines)

Dear loyal readers (and perhaps a few of you random internet lurkers who managed to click on my page by accident),

It is my goal to reward you all (or at least the 90 of you who bothered to tune in this week to my first post in two months, no big deal, really.  I don’t mind if you forget me…) for your patience with a second post in one week.  Also, this one is a freshie!  Just in case you all were wondering if I have written anyone since 2011 (the answer is “not as many as in 2008-2009, but I have written some, and many of those did not receive responses).

Apparently, I have started sending messages from my phone whilst drunk (and seemingly only at the Velvet Lounge), using the OKCupid mobile app.  I have set my “broadcast” a couple times, hoping that some random OKC girl nearby will show up at whatever bar I’m at in the 180 minutes that the broadcast is set for.  Needless to say, that hasn’t bore any fruit at this juncture, but it’s fun(ny) to plant those seeds nonetheless.  So I will probably keep doing that until I have a girlfriend, or at least something more than the occasional random drunk makeout that leads to platonic misery (I’m a viking at those – especially at eliciting responses that would send amateurs with thinner skin than mine to the hardware store for rope.  And 2 out of 3 lesbians that I have drunkenly made out with immediately ran to the bathroom to puke after – true story).  So what follows is one of those supremely drunken messages sent by me via phone while out drinking too much.  I actually debated posting this because it’s not even been a whole month since I sent the message, but one glance and you’ll come to the conclusion that I did once I sobered up:  this woman is never going to respond to this letter.  In fact, if she sees me on the street or on the web in other forums, she will look away or click “block” or whatever people do when they want to avoid contact (I once hid in the Classical section of the Tower Records I worked at when a girl form high school walked in the store).  Of course, that’s really too bad, because I totally gave her the best opening to tell me something awesome about herself.  Oh, well.  So now, without further ado, here is a recent letter I sent into the abyss via technology…

Hey there! (well, that will have to do, since there are no longer subject lines)
Sent to tj21-79
Sep 7, 2012 – 3:17am
14% Enemy  86% Friend  87% Match

Hey there!
So, most times I log in when I’m out (usually at the velvet lounge), you pop up. And honestly, you’re a lot cuter than most of what else pops up. I am sure there used to be more in your profile, but I can’t imagine it’s gotten so bad you had to strip your profile of your personality. Tell me one thing awesome about you.

Also, I just heard will arnett and Amy poehler broke up, so I’m feeling vulnerable right now.

-J
Sent from the OkCupid app

Advertisements

saw your screenname and had to say

Dear loyal readers,

I truly am sorry for the ridiculously long delay between posts…this summer kind of got away from me.  I felt truly overwhelmed with the sheer amount of social obligations that I felt could not be ignored, because I knew that economic uncertainties would force me to spend much of the Autumn and Winter away from the types of activities that I seem to partake in most, namely going out to bars and/or shows.  I will explain it thusly:  I have been devastatingly unhappy at my (now former) job at the shitty warehouse, and I knew I had to get out of there to save my soul from being crushed forever.  Since my original goal of finding a better (ie, a job that pays more than $11 an hour, possibly in my field (broadcasting), much like my old job at MTV Networks) gig to pay my bills and allow me to live the lifestyle to which I’ve grown accustomed to over the last 17 years was not meeting with much success, I decided to make an executive decision.  Once I secured my paid week’s vacation from the warehouse and made sure that my recent ER bill would be covered by workers’ compensation (the pain was job related and cost me at least one day of work, not to mention the $1500 ER bill that I can’t pay on $11 an hour), and secured a new job, I was going to quit.

So, through some friends, I decided to apply to a growing supermarket chain that caters to healthier eating.  I was hired pretty quickly, so once I got hired and was given my training dates, I waited until after getting a paid holiday (ironically, Labor Day will be my last paid holiday for the foreseeable future, as those don’t really exist in retail) to ask for my vacation time and workers’ comp claim, in case I was spurred to quit and tell my boss to pleasure himself rectally with his own member.  I decided this was a good course of action.  So I got my vacation approved on the day after Labor Day, at about 5:55pm (I worked until 6pm there), to start the next day.  I would return the following Wednesday.  Unbeknownst to them, I started training on that Saturday and Sunday, and my first shift was actually on the Monday in the middle of this “vacation.”  And since I wasn’t scheduled for Wednesday, Thursday or Friday at the new job, I decided I would try to stick out the warehouse job until the end of the week since I was taking a significant pay decrease (a dollar less an hour for about 12 less hours a week), just to make a little more bank.  It turns out that I just couldn’t wait to leave, so at about 4:30pm on Wednesday, I decided it was time to set myself free from the shackles of the warehouse environs that had beaten my soul and body into an unpleasant mess.  The exchange with my soon-to-be-ex boss was longer and more civilized then I had anticipated.  I then briefly caught up a couple former colleagues on some of the office stuff I was doing before I decided to grab some beers and go to the beach before going home.

I am now finishing up my second full week working the deli counter, which I have never done before.  It’s totally new to me, but also kind of exciting, and exhausting in different ways.  Also, it’s weird adjusting to a new schedule (I work the closing shift, and especially on weekends, which is fine, since I don’t like working at 6am ever, and I keep hoping it will keep me from going out too much, especially now that I will be making a lot less drinking money), and I don’t think I’ve completely managed the transition yet, but after a month I should hopefully not have to sleep late on my days off anymore.  These transitions and a general lack of writing is what led to such a long gap between posts.  Which I vow to prevent in the future, unless it’s for a really good reason.  So, this post might not be the best post, but if you’re lucky, a good one will be not far behind (one can only hope, right?).

So yeah, the exchange below is kind of disappointing.  Just so many sparks flying in the air between our respective fingertips and keyboards.  I guess some girls just don’t care how cool their screen names are.  Maybe she hates my favorite album and wants a guy to tell her that On the Mouth is the best album ever.  Maybe she was one of the weirdos who was hoping for a dude-bro with naked photos of himself flexing in the bathroom mirror to send her a message like “Yo baby, what’s up?  You got a little Italian in you?  You want one?”  (And yes, that was a small penis joke about dude-bros who get naked for photos and flex.  It was NOT an Italian joke.  The subject of the joke being Italian is merely a vehicle to transport us to the punchline.  When you tell this joke, you can use whatever nationality you want, but if you use any type of Asian, that makes you a racist. – Ed.)  I guess I just expect too much out of indie-rock chicks sometimes, which is sad, since I’ve been around them for like 20 years, and very few of them ever seem to go for me.  Maybe one day I will learn this lesson.  But not today.

saw your screenname and had to say
Sent to packagethief 
Jan 12, 2009 – 4:01am
Sorry, packagethief no longer has an account.

superchunk is one of my favorite bands ever. Foolish is my fave album. I know that’s a bold and daring thing to say, but there ya go.

i also have a weakness for cute bass-playing ladies (and wondering why most of them in the 90s were named Kim).

if i actually had a band, i would cover “Mona Skips Breakfast” by Small. I hope you know who they are, because otherwise I just sound like a moron.

Oh and I am friends with Slingshot Dakota, so it’s funny to see them in someone’s favorites.

later.
j

——————————————-

Sent from packagethief 
Jan 12, 2009 – 7:07pm

cool. yeah they are my favorite band. foolish is a good album but my favorite is on the mouth, followed by no pocky, and so on and so forth.

yeah one of bands played with slingshot. really nice people and good music.