Hi (a letter from a woman on OK Cupid that I never responded to)

Dear readers, I hope you are doing well this night.  I’m in the middle of another big shakeup in my life, but not one of my own choosing (for the most part).  The good news about all of this forced upheaval, is that I will be able to quit my awful job that has been killing me physically and crushing my soul, and transition into a new job with more flexible hours and a corporate structure to ensure that I don’t get treated like a piece of charnel by a lunatic without any sense.  Hopefully, I can manage to nail the bastard for breach of contract once I leave.  Granted, it means holing up at my parents’ house once more, but this time to save money and be ready for the next big move without teetering on the edge of a broken wallet.

But enough about that malarkey.  The best news about having a more flexible job means that I should have more time to finish my book.  I know I’ve been talking about this book forever (believe me, I feel like I’ve been writing it forever – 9 1/2 years to date), but I’ve finally started editing it for real.  Which means it should only take me another 5 years to complete.  I’m also looking forward to being able to afford to eat sushi again.

This week’s post is yet another twist on the formula.  This time, I’m the asshole.  I didn’t reply to this letter.  I can’t tell you why because this profile no longer exists, but it’s probably because I didn’t find her attractive.  Or didn’t understand why she has “taco” in her screen name, as do about a thousand other women on this site.  I still don’t get it.  Kind of like the mexican place in Austin called Wahoo’s Fish Tacos, since, well, “wahoo” and “fish taco” are synonyms.

I will say that I enjoyed Lisa’s one-liner about my head, which refers to the photo below, which was captioned with something along the lines of “My friend Josh took this photo and the angle makes me resemble one of those giant head Easter Island statues.”

Check out how much my head looks like an Easter Island statue here!


But like I’ve said before, I’m probably just a horrible person, so I didn’t write this girl back because I probably found her unattractive.  Feel free to comment on this post and tell me how I deserve all the horrible things that have happened to me because karma isn’t just the name of your favorite stripper.

Message from Agnusmycat_taco
Apr 25, 2008 – 5:28pm

Don’t worry, your head only vaguely looks like an Eastern Island statue. Lisa

i thought that…

I’ve been having a lot of fun straying from the formula just a little bit lately.  Not only because shaking things up keeps it fresh, but because it also pads out the finite amount of material I’ve accumulated over the last few years (I mean, it’s not like I can honestly write to women solely in the hopes they don’t write me back – that would be disingenuous and deceitful and the antithesis of what this project is all about — these emails are all sincere and sent because I want to hook up or something).  So I’ve decided to go through some old messages that may have gotten one or two volleys before stopping dead and start posting them.  I will probably alternate, but either way, I will be posting more “letters that got perhaps one response.”  Then again, this is my playground, so I make the rules and break the rules.  Nyah nyah nyah.

This week’s post is a one volley correspondence from almost four years ago, so I have no idea what this woman looks like, or what our match percentage was.  Context clues tell me that she may have been on the goth side (I am nothing if not a regular Sherlock Holmes, dear Watson).  I’m just tickled that someone out there knew what “Son of Albert” was.  I am also gathering from this that I was the one who never replied after the first volley.  I don’t know why that is.  And now the world will never know, for she is no longer on OK Cupid.

One last note:  I still have not listened to either the Andrew Ridgely or the Curt Smith records to this date.

i thought that…
Sent to girl__afraid
Jun 12, 2008 – 1:53am

Goths listened EXCLUSIVELY to WHAM! and Barry Manilow.

but seriously, I bought “Son of ALbert” for a dollar once. and I just found an EP by Curt Smith (aka the Other guy from Tears For Fears” in the trash. So I’m working on the “dudes left behind by their more famous partners” series of albums. There’s just too many Paul McCartney albums out there, though. (j/k)

I dunno. I didn’t have anything exciting to say, but I saw the wham thing and couldn’t resist. Gasoline fight!



Sent from girl__afraid
Jun 12, 2008 – 2:00pm

OMG Son of Albert was soooooooo bad I couldn’t take it! I found it at Tower for like .99 or something. ICk. He was always my favorite member of the band too (considering he did nothing).


How was the Curt Smith album? I saw them recently on some radio show on YouTube – they still sounded really good. I love that band.

Glad you’re not afraid to talk about these things – lol.

Sorry, girl__afraid no longer has an account.