don delillo

Good evening, gentle readers (or good afternoon rough readers – whichever is applicable, just make sure it sounds like Alfred Hitchcock saying it).  I will be presenting you with another one of those weird mystery messages that you used to be able to send out to a random person with whom some computer says you have things in common with.  For some reason, it seems like none of the women who messaged me using this feature ever messaged me back.  So basically, this is another installment of “Responses To OK Cupid Letters That Never Got Responses” for your perusal and hopefully, your reading pleasure.

I am going to also take this opportunity to thank someone who isn’t featured anywhere in this blog (but has one of her own) for some constructive criticism.  It was really funny, because she started with “hey…can I talk to you about something? and I thought for sure it was something bad.  I suppose it shows where my head is at that I replied “i guess so. did i do something wrong?”  Once she said “No. Not at all” I said “then talk away.”  Here is what she had to say:

“well…it’s weird to say
but i will
because I give a shit about you.
I’ve been keeping up with your blog
and I enjoy reading it
but I think I may know what you’re doing wrong in your letters
is that weird to talk about? If so, just tell me”

And then I was all “not weird at all.  i was scared for a second.”  She said “Oh shit, sorry.”  And then I told her “my friend Christine says a lot of them aren’t really open-ended.  like she can’t tell if i’m trying to start a conversation or just spouting random nonsense.”

“well…I wouldn’t say it exactly like that.
but yeah…maybe ask the girl something where she can jump in
girls read those letters and they’re like: ‘Okay. What does he want to know about ME? So he’s telling me stuff but what am I supposed to say?'”

And of course, all I could say was “right.  There are several like that.”

“And I know you’re trying to get your stuff out there because you’re a passionate person
but girls like to be…like…fawned over a little
and I know it’s a little lame doling out advice as my longest relationship was 10 months and that was like 10 years ago…you’re not mad at me are you?”

“Why would I be made at you?  you had helpful hints and you shared them.  ;p HOW DARE YOU!?  I thought you were going to tell me that the introductions were a little too personal/too dark lately.”

And then the conversation shifted into other personal things we won’t get into here.  But I think it’s funny whenever someone picks up on that.   On the bright side, most of these letters that don’t really leave an opening for a reply are 2-3 years old.  On the downside, I don’t think my letters have changed all that much since then.  Oh well.  Here is a reply that didn’t get a reply.  I’m trying to learn how to start a conversation.  At my advanced age, it’s hard sometimes to learn new skills.  Oddly enough, the letter this mystery woman sent was direct and to the point.  Something my letters seldom ever are.

don delillo
Apr 17, 2010 – 8:19am
Message from FunnyGirl_BX
Sorry, FunnyGirl_BX no longer has an account.

So an algorithm I don’t understand tells me that we are compatible and both enjoy Don DeLillo. White Noise is my favorite. Yours?


Apr 18, 2010 – 9:00pm

Hi Nicole!

I don’t understand their algorithms either, because it seems that many women who you would think would match me better (especially friends from the real world) don’t, and then people I have seemingly nothing in common with rate highly. I rate especially high with latino and bbw women for some reason (only half-kidding).

My favorite DeLillo is Underworld, which was also the first one I read of his, after picking up the first thing I found after reading an interview with Lee Ranaldo of Sonic Youth that he loved Don DeLillo, and especially White Noise. The only book of his I haven’t gotten through so far is Libra. I want to re-read White Noise to figure out why so many of my friends hate it with such passion.

you also seem to like Trivial Pursuit and cooking. I am definitely on board with that! I wish I got to play TP more. and I don’t get to participate in as many pub quizzes as i would like.

Well, I hope you had a fun weekend!

nice username

Hello loyal readers (what few of you still exist, as I seem to take too long between updates, although the upside to this lackadaisical approach is that I still have material that is two years old, even after doing this blog for over two and a half years)!

I hope you have all been well.  I have had some bouts of self-defeatism, followed up with delusions of adequacy and at times a fleeting feeling of awesome.  At least I’ve gotten some bicycle-riding in there somewhere.  Let me just say that as someone from a very hilly neighborhood where my house was at the bottom of every hill, it is amazing living in a flat area where I can bicycle for seven miles and not really break a sweat.  I’m loving it, and am relieved that we won’t have to move out in July, because we’ve found a friend to move in come July 1st.  Now if I could just find a better (and better-paying) job so that I can afford to live here while also eating and drinking…

None of that has anything to do with this week’s installment, which found me saying NOTHING exciting about one of my favorite bands.  It did, however, show my affinity for bragging about my record collection.  It also kind of makes me want to listen to some Guided By Voices right now (I’m currently listening to a record by The Seldom Scene from 1974 that I bought used on Record Store Day because the used records were within my budget, whereas most of the RSD Exclusive titles were too rich for my lack of money ($9.99 for a 7″ record with 2 songs, one of which isn’t even new is highway robbery and complete bullshit).  I will be writing an essay about the frustrating paradox that is Record Store Day sometime soon and will post a link on here for it).

Anyhow, I really did think her username was cool.  Even if I wasn’t that into her.  I just always assume that when you pick a username like that, you expect to net nerdy guys, so you must like nerdy guys, so when a nerdy guy emails you, maybe you should write him back, because you are total nerd-bait.  If you don’t like nerds, make a username that implies a lack of respect for grammar or originality (ie, Kewpid4U, BabyGirl4Luv, etc.).  Also, it’s come to my attention that I’m not a bad looking guy.  So, whatever.  Please note that this is the second-to-last letter that I previously copied and pasted into my master file.  But don’t worry, I have PLENTY more to go through in the coming weeks.  Rest assured I still have plenty of material (including the longer piece that I keep meaning to post on Valentine’s Day, but have since managed to screw up and let three of them slip by without posting it).

So now I give you this.  Enjoy!

nice username

Sent to smotheredinpugs
Apr 12, 2010 – 9:58pm
5% Enemy 88% Friend 95% Match

Hey there,

Just had to drop a line to say you have one of the better usernames on this thing. I just had Guided By Voices week in my mind last week, where I basically downloaded weird random rarities I didn’t already own, and ripped the rest from the CDs I have. Something like 111 albums/EPs/compilations, etc…

this week I’m on a bit of a Morning Benders kick, though I saw the Wedding Present last night (I hadn’t seen them in maybe 12 years) and will probably listen to them a lot this week.

take care!

I think the 17% enemy is based solely on…

I started writing this entry after the Super Bowl.  It was the cap-off to an otherwise horrendous week that should have, by all accounts, not have been so horrendous.  I was supposed to move out of my parents’ house and celebrate.  Instead, on the day I was supposed to do these things, my bank account was frozen by New York State with ZERO notice (I am still $200 in the hole as a result of this bureaucratic bungle, which they later admitted on the phone that proper procedure was not followed in December- letter-writing campaign forthcoming).  Meanwhile, my mom had been rushed to the hospital on Tuesday.  It really was a banner week in our household.  Since then, I have been on a rollercoaster ride of hating my job and REALLY hating my job, finally moved into the new place (a house with a couple of friends, which I can barely afford, but need for the sake of my sanity, however tenuous that might be), and have tried to make myself as busy as possible while trying to get out of my current shitty job and transition simultaneously into a position where all the things I have done for shits and giggles lo these many years (booking shows, promoting bands, writing dumb shit like this) finally start to yield dividends.  If these things don’t start happening by the time I turn 40, I want one of these women to run me over again and again.  So, I’m going to leave in the original intro, as is.  It follows below, starting…now!

So, here we are again…I hope all of you eyeballs on the other side of this series of tubes are having abetter week than I.  I’m not going to get into the woes and wherefores of my shitty week, but rest assured when your mood is elevated by a sporting event you only marginally care about, it’s been a rough week.  With that, I start writing this post to distract myself (yet, while writing this I got distracted, naturally) and try to make me feel like I have some semblance of control in my currently disheveled life.

Speaking of disheveled, this particular message is a bit of a rambling mess, seemingly never finding its footing.  I do, however, enjoy some of the things I wrote in this message.  I am, if anything, a big fan of my own ridiculousness…and making fun of Burning Man (although I have to admit that one cool thing came out of Burning Man, and that would be the Steampunk Treehouse that now graces the front lawn of the Dogfish Head Brewery in Rehoboth, Delaware).


I think the 17% enemy is based solely on…

Sent to Nik100383
Mar 13, 2010 – 5:16pm
10% Enemy  84% Friend  80% Match

burning man. ha ha.

I think it’s cool you don’t really like the summer. I catch a lot of flack for that. I spent most of last summer sleeping on a couch at my parents’ house in the air conditioning because I couldn’t sleep in the sweaty city (my old apartment had the worst electrical ever, but we couldn’t complain because somehow ConEd never sent us a bill after the last person whose name it was in left, and we could only have one air conditioner on, and we couldn’t turn it on if we needed to microwave something). In fact, I lived across the street from project housing and they all had air conditioners. sometimes there are equalizers in society.

I’m sorry, I have no idea what I’m talking about. Anyhow, I just wanted to drop a line to say that you seem pretty cool and you like a lot of the same stuff as me, and also, your philosophies seem pretty in tune with mine, in terms of planned spontaneity, etc. although maybe you like nature more than I do. But right now, where I’ve retreated to in Long Island, I live across from the woods where there’s a cool hiking trail and I’m across the river from the Long Island Sound. So I don’t not like nature, but I’m not like super outdoorsy. I am gonna go kayaking this summer on the river, though.

take care,