charlatans uk (a slight deviation from format)

Okay folks, so this one is slightly different from my normal post (hence why I put a parenthetical in the title), because it was the result of one of those crazy double-blind random message dealies that used to happen on Ok Cupid but doesn’t anymore.  The idea was, and I believe I may have explained it once upon a time, that if you shared similar interests with someone, Ok Cupid would tell you to message a random stranger just because they liked something you liked as well.  So, in theory, if you liked skull-fucking and necromancing, you could message another skull-fucking necromancer sight unseen, later to be replied to, much to your horror and chagrin, by, say, your creepy uncle or some such relative.  Now, the recommendations I received were along the lines of popular music and movies I liked, but that’s only because I’m not into necromancing and skullfuckery (that I’m aware of, anyway – I mean, how do you really know unless you try it?).  I will refer you to this classic post of mine, in which the “Icebreaker” as they called it, told me that the woman in question and I shared these similar interests:  “I think you both like cooking, jew, spoon, stars, and modest mouse.

So, yeah, this lady actually messaged me first, not knowing the freak that lurked behind a shared interest in the Charlatans UK.  So, because I deemed her appealing (sorry that I can no longer link to her profile, since it no longer exists, so I can’t even remember anything about her), I replied in earnest.  Apparently, she either didn’t like what she saw or what she read (or both?), as a response to my response never arrived.  And now she’s gone from Ok Cupid, probably co-habitating with a skinny bearded Bedford Avenue type.  Maybe even one of the dude from that lame band the Drums (who I will say are decent on record, but the live show I saw was so horrendous I walked out after two songs because I couldn’t handle it at all).  Alas, I was genuinely interested in her multiple experiences seeing Meatloaf perform in concert.

charlatans uk
Message from britpoplvr
Mar 9, 2010 – 6:54pm
Sorry, britpoplvr no longer has an account.

hey there –

I’ve been told you also like the charlatans uk. Not many people here do.


Message to britpoplvr
Mar 13, 2010 – 4:30pm

I have to be honest and say that I really only love the first two albums. “White Shirt” is one of my favorite songs ever. Weirdly, when I was working at the MTV Network Operations Center, I was working with some MTV Brasil content, and “White Shirt” was the background music to a weird promo with some dancing furry creature. I couldn’t believe it. But yeah, when they released “Can’t Get Out of Bed” I thought it sounded too much like “I Missed Again” by Phil Collins. I was a much worse music snob back then.

So you’ve really seen Meatloaf multiple times? What was that like?

I have a joke about a hypothetical tattoo…

This one is actually some solid letter-writing IMHO, but I guess just not enough to interest a lady who seems to be hunting younger men, and guessing from the “ironic” use of duckface, she wants to slum it with some “Jersey Shore” cast member wannabees.  Or maybe, if I were to give her the benefit of the doubt, she just doesn’t want to deal with another hapless writer in her life.  After all, that I can understand.  If I had to deal with people like me all day, the last person I’d want to be involved with would be another one.

And then things get meta!  I may have blown it by revealing that I am actually doing a blog about these inane letters.  Or did I?  Maybe she is trying to ride my coattails by hoping I would link to her profile in my post about the letter I sent to her that she never replied to.  If this is indeed the case, she got her wish.  Damn, I hate when I play right into some scheming conniver’s plans!  Nevertheless, I dare say I gave it the old college try, I even led with a subject line that refers to her answer for “The Most Private Thing I’m Willing To Admit” and then buried said lead at the end of the message.  Or maybe she’s just not a Bob Newhart fan.  And that would be the real shame here, were it true.  Not that I would know, since I never heard from her.  Of course, I would like to point out that the reason I am probably still single is because I’ve never met a woman who gets the joke.

I have a joke about a hypothetical tattoo…

Sent to queenchoptifa
Feb 26, 2010 – 4:01am
17% Enemy  83% Friend  84% Match


Let me say right off the bat that I felt compelled to write you immediately. Oftentimes, especially at 4am, I will browse and take mental notes that I soon forget, but I rarely write emails after 3am. It starts to get a little dicey, usually. I tend to try and overthink things and be ultra clever or witty. No such luck for you this time, I’m afraid.

Anyhow, from your profile you seem like someone I would click with from the moment you see me and back slowly out of the bar.

I’m curious about your writing, as I’m currently still working on my first novel, which nobody is paying me for yet (I’m trying to have three solid chapters ready before I try to solicit anything – the writing is there, but it’s still not organized). I’m working on a blog while I procrastinate on the novel. A blog about letters I’ve sent to girls on ok cupid that haven’t gotten responses. I figured that if my friend Joe can get a deal to write the “Look At This Fucking Hipster” book, then why not?

But back to the matter at hand, I have been joking for years now that if I were to get a tattoo it would be on my back in giant letters and say “To Be Or Not To Be…That Is The Gazorninplat!” and that the first woman to get the reference would be The One.

I’m funnier than this in person, I assure you.