most of what you say is dead-on

In all the messages I’ve sent to the women of Okcupid, this one might just have my favorite sentence (perhaps even my favorite sentence that I’ve written EVER), especially the way it sounds when I read it in my head.  I wish I had ended this letter with that sentence.  Instead, I just spewed a rant based on what I assume to be something in her profile, but with a focus on my own aesthetic hangups.

And then I go on to brag in the third paragraph, at which point, no amount of “oh hey, cute hat”s can salvage a response from the woman who was probably once interested by the promising first paragraph only to be borderline disgusted by the virtual “nyah nyah nyah” of the whiny guy bragging about how he saw Tom Waits.  What a winner!

I’d be surprised if she didn’t delete her profile to make a new one with the screen name “ArtsyQuirklicious4U” just so I wouldn’t click on her profile.  If that is the case, then well played ArtsyQuirklicious4U.  Well played.

most of what you say is dead-on
Sent to lizziean
Jan. 12, 2009 – 11:45pm
% Enemy % Friend % Match (I think she was an 86% match)

Hi there…

I was reading your profile thoroughly before just sending off some half-assed message about how beautiful you are, etc…figuring you probably get a lot of that. And I have to say, your forthrightness is refreshing. But mostly, I’m just looking for a girl to refinish my furniture.

Everyone on this site totally does that “I’m quirky, laid back and original” thing and they can’t all be, and laid back really gets my goat for some reason. Also, I have disqualified many people based on screen names. Pretty much anyone with “girl,” “artsy,” “licious” or numerals substituted for words are out. One day I saw “Arstygirlicious” and almost fell out of my chair laughing. Maybe I am too picky, but I don’t think so.

Oh and for the record, Tom Waits, Beacon Theater 1999 was the best show I’ve ever seen. I still have the confetti he threw as he made his entrance and walked down the aisle I was closest to…

BTW, that hat is really cute.

pinin’ for the fjords?

So, this can’t be the worst email a woman’s ever gotten, but I will cop to the fact that it’s not romantic in anyway, nor does it leave much opening for a response.  Also, it was 4am, so I’m guessing I was pretty drunk.  This young woman is now in Chicago, so I suppose it makes no difference one way or the other.  I wouldn’t reply to this guy either.

pinin’ for the fjords?
Sent to Spasafrass
Jan. 12, 2009 – 4:11am
11% Enemy 82% Friend 90% Match

and then I find the only reason it was even on its perch in the first place is because it had been nailed there!\
just had to get that out of my system, thank you.

and now back to your regularly scheduled programme.

PS I can do an ok Scottish Burr, but for some reason, when I try to do an irish brogue, it comes out like Apu.

i, too, have tatu songs on my iPod…

Okay, so it’s been way too long since the last update…I would have told you that, even if it hadn’t already been brought to my attention by this reviewer.  First it was the failed job search short-circuiting my writing synapses, and then it was the insurmountable inertia of starting to write again after not doing so for months at a time.  And then, I had a very hectic retail job for an entire month before they caught on that I wasn’t putting my heart into their sales pitch, even though I did try.  I wish I could make money writing a book of excuses.  It would be one large book, although I would probably never finish it…
I can’t understand why this one didn’t write back.  I don’t even remember much about her at this point, since she doesn’t have an account any longer.  I mean, she would have to know that it takes brazen honesty in a man to admit to such a thing as liking t.A.T.u.  Perhaps she wasn’t ready for someone so honest, and I would have been better served to write simply “Yo baby, I wanna pop YOUR corn!”

i, too, have tatu songs on my iPod…
Sent to muciboo
Jan. 12, 2009 – 3:41am
0% Enemy 0% Friend 0% Match

there’s just something about chipmunks singing a Smiths’ song that is irresistible.
that’s a case of “hardest truth first” if ever there was!

alas, my iPod is sort of mute at the moment (the headphone jack was getting sketchy and then i managed to complete defuse it) unless it’s plugged in to a computer or a dock. So now I’m borrowing one from my mom temporarily and when it’s on shuffle I find myself skipping a lot of Barry Manilow and Bryan Adams songs (and every other Neil Diamond song).

I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but there it is.

when you say you are a purist popcorn popper, do you mean you do it with a pot on a stovetop? Or with a 70’s-style oil-based popcorn popper (I do have one of those exactly like the kind i had as a kid, thank you eBay. Of course, on the downside, it doesn’t work all that well)?

internetwise yours,