So yes, genital readers, my previous post entitled “i’ve given up on witty subject lines” was clearly not an empty threat.  So for Christmas, the day we celebrate our lard and savory, Horzak the Wonderfully Colored Plastic Sheep, I give you a funny letter to an unappreciative lass (alas, with a lazy subject line), who might be too tall for me anyway.

She had a lot of funny photos on her profile, too.  I like funny photos that prove a woman can have fun.  If you can’t have fun, we won’t work out.  I don’t take many things seriously.

Hi there
Sent to unrapunzel
17% Enemy 89% Friend 81% Match
Oct. 23, 2008 – 9:18pm

So, I was about to send you a message when my work laptop (my real laptop died a week ago today) freaked out and shut itself down…I don’t know if that means anything, but nevertheless, here I am.

I’d seen your profile a few times before and you seem like a pretty cool gal, at least if you’re half as fun as you think you are (hee hee). I hadn’t messaged you before mostly on the height issue, but you quoted “So I Married An Axe Murderer” in your profile, so I had to bite.

Maybe if you don’t mind having drinks with a guy who is arguably 5’9″ [Yes, Marta, I know how tall I really am, so shut your cakehole – Ed.] and whose hair is either dark brown or black (these are the two biggest debates about me – the awesomeness is unanimous). Oh and I like to do Sean Connery (by way of Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL) impressions, then hit me up on here.

Have a great night,