since i’m not going back outside until sunset..

Hello, it’s me again!

Back with another in a burgeoning (and seemingly endless) series of letters I wrote to young ladies on Ok Cupid that never received a response.  Today’s entry contains what just might be the best closing line I’ve ever written, and I am super-excited to share it with you all.  I bet the old dude sitting directly in front of me at the Borders Cafe here in Stony Brook reading PhotoPlus magazine feels the same way. (Sorry, attempt to take photo of said old man with my phone totally phailed – it came out all blurry.  Too much coffee, methinks).

Anyhow, I wrote this in June of 2008, and you can tell, because I was staying indoors until the sun went down, because I cannot deal with the heat.  And allow me to say that I am still looking to meet someone cute, smart, funny and into music, food and games of knowledge.  I mean, what better way to find a woman than to point out all the ones that wouldn’t speak to you in the first place.  If this doesn’t work, just wait until I run out of these letters and switch to the ones I actually went on dates with (or who wrote me back and then we just stopped).

Oh well, so much for working on my book while I was here…

since i’m not going back outside until sunset..
Sent to ilana81
13% Enemy 91% Friend 85% Match
Jun. 15, 2008 – 5:23pm

Hi there,

So I just realized that I had added you to my favorites (right when I signed up) in order to message you and then forgot to follow through with that part (the actually sending a message instead of just looking like an internet weirdo part). I have this weird internet-related thing where there are things I mean to do when I sign on and then turn into a zombie and forget to do any or all of the things I meant to do. I don’t think I’m the only one…

Allow me to make up for that now by saying “Hi, I’m Jon and I’m looking to meet someone cute, smart, funny and into music, food and games of knowledge.” I don’t like to talk about myself, but I love to tell stories. I’m working on a book and also, my standup routines evolved from most of the stories that are going into the book.

I hate these lame introductory messages. I can only experiment with the format so much that I don’t sound like a complete lunatic (since I’m actually looking for a response). It’s be easier if I didn’t want you to write back, so then I could just write the most bizarre crap. I’ll have to save that for my blog.*

Now that I’ve completely weirded you out, I hope you have a wonderful day.

* editor’s note:  I wasn’t getting all meta here, as I had not yet started this particular blog at the time I sent this message.  I was merely referring to one of my other blogs (probably this one), where it’s normal for me to write weird shit.

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