i’ve got a theory…it could be bunnies*

This one’s for the ladies…well, the Buffy-lovin’ ladies, that is.  Maybe just the dark, curly-haired, political activist ladies with awesome smiles…  What about this letter ISN’T awesome?  Aside from the fact that when mentioning “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” I should have related the anecdote about the time I went to see it at the Carousel Mall in Syracuse and the guy dressed as Dr. Frank N. Furter was wearing a yarmulkeLiam will mostly just take notice that I didn’t mention me singing “Against All Odds” at karaoke.

Seriously, though…I mentioned Buffy, Mystery Science Theater 3000, “Rocky Horror,” the Hulk, NYPIRG (and the fact I only joined it to get into a British woman’s pants), and Robert Guillaume all in one concise email.  And I used the word “cultivate” in regards to my brooding.  This letter should have screamed “JACKPOT!”  I just don’t understand women, I guess.

i’ve got a theory…it could be bunnies
Sent to leftywriterbabe
10% Enemy 85% Friend 88% Match
Jun. 2, 2008 – 2:05am

Hi there,

I’ve thought about writing you several times, but for one reason or another, had not done so. Now that it’s 1:30am and I should try sleeping, I’m going to follow-through.

I will say that you look really cute and your smile (especially in the ferry picture) is simply radiant. I think there are too many people who are seemingly afraid to smile, and while I do try to cultivate the mysterious brooding look about me, standup comedians around town can identify me by my laugh. Also, I see we like a lot of the same pop-culture type things. I think I’ve spent years of my life watching MST3K. In fact, from a friend of mine, I acquired a ton of episodes, including the public access season (stored on my hard drive). Oh and I have been rewatching Buffy from the beginning and just watched Once More With Feeling the other night (I’ve also seen it presented in a movie theater as an experience a la Rocky Horror).

It’s cool that you’re so active in trying to better the world. I’m not really cut out for activism (I care about politics and society’s problems, but it all tends to just get me really upset and turning into the Hulk doesn’t really help further any progressive change), but I did join the nuclear issues group in my college’s chapter of NYPIRG to impress a girl with a British accent when I was 18. I spend most of my time squandering my talents in creative endeavors by wasting time witnessing others’ contributions to music and entertainment instead of making my own, though I am trying to upset that balance by running a small record label and whatnot.

And while it may not come out in this impersonal, late night electronic transmission, I’m really into banter and the back-and-forth, and oftentimes, I delight in moments when there are a few people in a small kitchen chatting while opening and closing a refrigerator, a freezer, a cabinet or three, and whatever doors are in close proximity, so that it seems choreographed, like in a sitcom. When I finally write a screenplay, there will be a scene centered around that. If you haven’t ever seen the show “Sports Night” you really should. It’s one of my favorite shows ever, and I have to rewatch the entire series once every 6 months or so and then get all uppity about how ABC cancelled it so quickly (2nd season) despite all the awards it won (and the fact that Robert Guillaume is the shit).

I’m rambling now. So hello and goodnight.


*I actually have an update for this one as of April 4th, 2010.  On that day, in between stints driving around Long Island with my pal Mike, looking for crazy weird stuff, I stopped to check my email and Facebook, and my Ok Cupid account had an email.  I opened it and it was from none other than leftywriterbabe!  It was a really long, well-thought-out letter explaining why she hadn’t responded to my initial letter, nearly TWO YEARS ago.  The short version is this:

“Bunnies aren’t just cute like everybody supposes.  You know what else isn’t cute? Me, not writing back to the personalized, thoughtful message eons ago. Anyway, just wanted to say hi, and come clean about why I didn’t reply: I’m pretty sure I never saw it.”

She then goes on to sum up the past 22 months that elapsed betwixt contacts.  So I write her back.  She says she’s trying to finish up a book and needs to meet her deadline, but once that is done, maybe we could get together.

“But if by some chance you’re not still annoyed that I didn’t write back when you originally sent this note, and you feel like grabbing a cupcake (I’d suggest coffee, but really, aren’t cupcakes more fun?) or catch an improv show at the UCB at some point, I’d be open to that.”

I’d really love to post the whole letter, but not enough time has passed since the most recent letter I sent her to which she hasn’t responded (I’m sensing a pattern at work, here).  Anyhow, she came across as witty and cute and it would be nice if something did come out of it.  After all, I had already come clean about the blog, to which she said:

“Since you didn’t post my picture or real name to your blog, and you didn’t say anything particularly snide… nope, you didn’t scare me off.”

However, I’m beginning to fear that the old storyteller syndrome is destroying my chances with this one.  I’ll write her one more time very soon.

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